It's a Guy Thing

Why Men’s Looks Don’t Matter

By Richard Janson / @professionaldatingcoaching /

A lot of guys have grown up feeling insecure about their looks. Many of us have experienced the feeling where we think that we are just out of a pretty girl’s league. It is a fact that girls will notice whether you are physically attractive or not. Your appearance is important but only if the girl doesn’t know you yet. You might get judged for being bald or too short, you can even get rejected for your looks but I can tell you from my experience and from the experiences of most of my clients that if you act the right way then it almost never happens. I bet you’ve noticed physically not the best looking guys with beautiful girls. I wondered for years how that could be, there had to be something about them and it certainly wasn’t the looks. 

You might tell me that the not so attractive guys only have success with women when they are rich. This is not entirely true. We all know that there are girls who are after your money out there but let’s be honest who wants to spend time with these kinds of girls anyway. All they do is use you, usually there is a total lack of any actual interest from their side. Try to imagine someone who has achieved financial success for a minute. If you think about someone like that then he’s probably working on his business and his goals. He most likely doesn’t care a lot about what others think and he is on his own path. When it comes to women he probably has a lot of options. He has been through a lot. He is most likely nonreactive and unapologetic to girls in a healthy way because he knows what he wants and can probably find a new partner any time he would want to. That type of behavior is very attractive to women. In order to understand that we need to take a closer look into our past.

To make it really simple. Think about human history for a second. Most of human history we have lived a very simple life in small groups or tribes. Just like with most mammals and primates today society or the tribe you would have lived in consisted of alpha males and beta males. The alpha male was the highly social and charismatic leader who was able to take critical decisions and keep the tribe alive. He was smart, he was confident and had his own strong opinion. Women were naturally attracted to that man because of his great genetics. The genes of a leader, a survivor, someone smart and confident. A man was most likely never supposed to look good. In fact he probably had many scars from fighting with the wild animals and other tribes. Not much has changed evolutionarily. Women still react to that same kind of behavior. Of course one ought not to walk around with horrible hygiene and have no taste in fashion. It still is important to be healthy and take care of yourself but that is really it. You do not have to be a prince on a white horse.

What appearance mostly does is that it gives you permission. Think about a social interaction between a man and a woman. Socially it’s okay for good looking men to approach women and have amazing interactions with them. If a good looking guy goes up to a girl, the girl will assume that of course he is confident, he is tall, he is handsome. He just has to be. Here’s what happens when a not so attractive man goes up to a girl. I will guarantee you that the girl will think something along these lines “This guy walks up to me what the hell, he’s not even pretty. There must be something about him.” Being a physically not so attractive guy gives you even in a way kind of an advantage. It is called passive attraction. If I could choose to be a 10/10 handsome, tall, muscular guy or myself the chubby bald guy, then I would choose being myself. It makes me stand out more. 

To conclude alpha male behavior equals rich guy behavior, at least usually. If you think about rich people then these are usually the characteristics of a naturally attractive man or an alpha male. There are a lot of parallels here. MONEY doesn’t count what counts is the attitude that comes with it. The attitude on the other hand can easily be learned and mimicked. Yes you as an average guy can totally learn how to behave in that way and can just as easily have great success with women.