It's a Guy Thing

Pick Up The Girl

Basics for starting a conversation with someone you’ve noticed

By Richard Janson / @professionaldatingcoaching /

What to say to the girl? First of all, I would say that this is probably the question that I get asked the most. The truth is that it is not so much about what you say but rather how you say it but right now I will give you the first basics. Now if you aren’t used to talking to random people and are looking for the exact thing to tell her then to simplify it there are basically two ways.

You could either be direct when starting a conversation or you can be indirect. Direct is really simple and means that you will let the girl know that you like her or find her interesting.

For example: “I thought you were really cute so I decided to come and say hi.”

Indirect on the other hand would be anything the situation gives you. It can be anything you noticed about her or what she did. It could be something you noticed on the street or in the coffee shop where you met her. Indirect can be literally anything you might have noticed about the environment or her.

For example: ”I love the watch, is it a Rolex?” 

With both of these different methods you can either do well and come across as interesting or you can fail and the girl won’t even acknowledge you. 

The wrong way to go direct: giving an attractive woman a generic compliment.

For example: ”You are really beautiful.” – what you are doing here is that you are basically telling the girl up front that you like them. These are the things she hears every day over and over again. 

The correct way to go direct: A better way would be to make your compliment relevant and different.

For example: “I like how your blonde hair really fits with those shoes. You must be the really fashionable type.” 

You are clearly indicating interest but it is different. This is something the girl doesn’t hear every day. By you assuming she is the fashionable type you assume something positive, people love to hear positive things about themselves. Make positive statements about people, when you do it then do it in a way that people will agree with you. You can say things like: “You are a fun person that seems to enjoy life” or “You seem easy-going” or perhaps “You seem like someone really creative.”

The key here is that no one would ever disagree with things like you seem easy-going etc. What this does for you is that it gives you the vibe that you know people.

These are the two basic methods to start a conversation with someone. For guys who have never talked to random girls, I would always suggest going direct. Direct lets the girl know that you are interested. Many guys never get past the 30-minute boring conversation about the weather. Taking a risk and going direct can really help you to get past the platonic level conversations.

This eliminates the problem of not knowing how to start a conversation with a woman and gives you some ideas on how to start a conversation. Always remember that by you approaching someone you find attractive and striking a conversation with them you are already better than 95% of the other guys who would never even bother to try. Get out there and put it into practice!

PS! Whenever you talk to someone during the day or in a setting that is not in favor with the social norms (on a street for example) then just pop in a statement of empathy: “I know this is crazy” or “I know this is weird but…” What it does is that it takes the pressure off the other person and shows her that you are socially aware and not a weirdo.